Abstienence and Safe Sex (Comprehensive) Education

Aside from the decision of when to start talking to your child about sex, parents are faced with the question of what to teach. From self-help books to religious influences, the media, and one’s moral beliefs all of these are influential factors that weigh in on when and how parents educate their children, and there are so many gradations of information to choose from. Many educational programs fall into the categories of Abstinence or Safe Sex; this post will outline the goals and effectiveness of Abstinence and Safe Sex programs.

The goal of Abstinence programs is to teach adolescents to wait until they are physically and emotionally ready before having sex. Many programs encourage no-sex-until-marriage, while others do not. Some programs discuss the effectiveness of protection without encouraging their use, while others strongly oppose condoms and contraceptives to the point of down-playing their effectiveness or ignoring their existence altogether. Many critics of abstinence-only target the teachings as “outdated” and “radically religious,” but while some programs are “overtly religious” most are secular (Kirby, 2007). Supports believe abstinence programs can achieve significant reductions sexual initiation and some research has affirmed these beliefs (Weed, 2008).

While the main goal of abstinence is to promote waiting, Safe Sex or Comprehensive approaches aim to educate adolescents on how to protect themselves from pregnancy and infections. This is accomplished while explaining the best way to prevent pregnancy, infections, and potential emotional upset is to abstain. Like abstinence programs, safe sex approaches are diverse as well. Many of the gradations arise with children’s ages, but other differences arise with different degrees of emphasis on education and the availability of contraceptives and how to use them. Critics accuse these programs of promoting adolescent sex and giving kids an excuse to have sex. Interestingly, proponents of safe sex programs can also support abstinence teaching by educating children about what to do if they have sex while still encouraging them to wait.

Promoting both abstinence and safe sex are compatible goals: Amy Schwarz argued that “We should absolutely be teaching young people about abstinence, but we shouldn’t be holding back information that can save lives and prevent pregnancy” (as cited in Schwarz, 2007, p. 155).  Programs that emphasize abstinence but encourage protection in the incident of sex do not increase sexual behavior but delay sex, reduce frequency and number of partners, and/or increase use of condoms or contraceptives (Kirby, 2007). And while some may worry that the combination of these two approaches is too much information, research suggest that “earlier learning about various sexuality topics was generally not related to earlier initiation of sexual intercourse,” for both boys and girls (Sommers & Eaves, 2002).

In summary, “. . . no single, simple approach will dramatically reduce adolescent pregnancy and STD across the country” (Kirby, 2007). Unfortunately, many studies conflict supporting their bias, there is no “quick answer” for parents on how to educate their children. Instead, parents must choose from this mass of information what is best for their child and their desired teaching style; however, there is some guidance: the most effective program is “A very intensive, comprehensive, and long-term program. . .” A program like this has the most dramatic results, reducing reported pregnancy IN HALF for three years! (Kirby, 2007).  All in all, there are pros and cons to each side and each family must weigh the impacts in order to find the best fit.

Remember: there is no easy route. If children ask give them an answer instead of avoiding their inquiries. If you answer you can be more confident that the education your child is receiving is the information you want them to know. Some helpful websites for safe sex and abstinence education are listed below.

• http://www.4parents.gov
• http://www.avert.org/abstinence.htm

References

Forrest, S. (2009, Feb. 20). Abstinence, sex education, and HIV protection. Retrieved February 21, 2009, from AVERT Web site: http://www.avert.org/abstinence.htm

Kirby, D. (2007). Abstinence, sex, and STD/HIV education programs for teens: Their impact on sexual behavior, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases. Annual Review of Sex Research, 18, 143- 177.

Schwarz, A. (2007). Comprehensive sex education: Why America’s youth deserve the truth about sex. Hamline Journal of Public Law & Policy, 29 (1) , 115-160.

Somers, C. L., & Eaves, M. W. (2002). Is earlier sex education harmful? An analysis of the timing of school-based sex education and adolescent sexual behaviours. Research in Education, 67, p23-33.

Talking to your preteen about waiting. (2008, Aug. 7). 4 Parents Home. Retrieved February 21, 2009, from 4parents.gov Web site: http://www.4parents.gov

Weed, S. E., Ericksen, I. H., Lewis, A., Grant, G. E., & Wibberly, K. H. (2008). An abstinence program’s impact on cognitive mediators and sexual initiation. American Journal of Health Behavior, 32 (1), p60-73.

When to Start the Conversation

It is important to recognize that your child’s cognitive development,the ability to think or form complex ideas, and their ability to understand the many aspects of sex are interrelated. Individual children reach different levels of psychological development at different ages and therefore are prepared to understand different aspects of sexual relations at different times in their lives. 

While the content of sexual discussion varies based on cognitive ability it is never too early to start talking to your child about sexual aspects. Generally, children began asking questions about their sex organs at ages three to five. Learning about sex should be an ongoing process, much like most life lessons are. For instance you wouldn’t try to teach you toddler how to read in one day. You start with the ABCs.  When teaching your toddler his or her body parts, such as the mouth and nose include “this is your penis” or “this is your vagina” in your talks. This builds the foundation for further discussion about these body parts and creates an ongoing “dialogue that you will continue throughout the child’s pre-teen and teenage years.” Anticipate the sex information your child will need for his next stage in life and gradually add more facts to the conversation as you child grows. 

There is no magic age to educate your child about sexual intercourse, but you should definitely talk to your children about it before they learn erroneous information from friends, or become confused by their own sexual development. Studies shows that early, accurate sex information can “combat developmental limitations,” such as a teenagers’ feelings of invulnerability to pregnancy and STDs.

Dr. Lisa Masterson suggests parents educate their children about sexual intercourse between the ages of eight and ten, before they begin puberty. Dr. Masterson is co-host of ABC’s The Doctors and specialists in obstetrics, gynecology, infertility, adolescent gynecology and family planning. On a December episode of The Doctors Dr. Materson had a sex talk sleep over with ten-year-old girls to show parents how to educate their pre-teens in a relaxed atmosphere. Dr. Masterson suggests using humor with children to make the conversation less awkward, however other experts insist that sex talks should be straightforward and serious to relay the weightiness of the topic?

Click here to watch the video of Dr. Lisa Masterson talking about sex and children on The Doctors.

 The single most important thing is that you create and maintain an open, honest sex dialogue with your kids so they feel comfortable asking you questions and when they ask it is definitely time to answer them. Don’t wait until it’s too late. 

Click here for more suggestions on how and when to start the conversation.

  Talk to your kids before their curiosity gets the best of them!

Resources

Explaining Sex to Your Child. (2008). Epigee Women’s Health. Retrieved February 4, 2009, from http://www.epigee.org/talking-about-sex-with-kids.html.

How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex. (2008, January). WebMD Health and Parenting. Retrieved February 5, 2009,                from http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20080116/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-sex.

Somers, C. l. and Eaves, M.W. (2002). Is earlier sex education harmful? An analysis of the timing of school-based sex education and adolescent      sexual behaviors. Research in Education, 67(1), 23-33. Retrieved from Sociological Collection database.

Talking to Your Kids about Sex.(2005, May) American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Retrieved February 4, 2009,        from http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/talking_to_your_kids_about_sex

Talking with Kids about Sex and Relationships. (2008). Talking with Kids. Retrieved February 4, 2009, from http://www.talkingwithkids.org/sex.html.  

Sex Talk with Dr. Lisa. (2008, December). TV. Retrieved February 5, 2009, from http://www.tv.com/video/15023/101/75266/sex-talk-with-dr.-lisa? o=tv&category=episode_clip&tag=showspace;video;6. 

 

 

 

The Facts – Teens and Sex and Their Parents’ Impact

Images of teenage pregnancy and promiscuity are prevalent in today’s society. Jamie Lynn Spears and Bristol Palin – daughter of former Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin – are just two of the numerous examples of teenage pregnancy in today’s society.

In addition, according to a March 2008 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), one in four – or twenty-six percent – of teenage girls between the ages of 14 and 18 has a sexually transmitted disease (STD). About half of the females surveyed in this survey admitted to having sexual intercourse. Furthermore, similar studies have revealed that by the time women have finished their first year in college, more than two-thirds will have engaged in sexual intercourse.

Chart from Washington Post online.

While these statistics may appear grim, there is hope to counteract these dismal statistics. According to a 2007 national polling survey by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, teens said that their parents most influence their decisions about sex. Yet, parents of teens continue to underestimate the influence they have over their children’s decisions about sex, and they overestimate the power of the media and friends. Click here to see the full study.

Understanding the influence you have as a parent over your child’s behaviors, including their sexual activity, can give you the confidence you need to speak up to your kids about sex. As a parent, you should know that it is never too early to being talking to your child bout the birds and the bees. The early you begin discussing sex to your child, including healthy and safe sex practices, the more influence you will have over their behaviors. Also, the earlier you begin discussing sex, the less awkward and uncomfortable the discussions will be in the future as your child grows older.

Thus, the first step in counteracting the alarming statistics about growing sexual activity and diseases among teenagers is to realize the great influence you have over your child and the importance of speaking to them early. If you can accept talking to your children early on in their development about sex and healthy choices as a normal and essential part of parenthood, then you are already well on your way to counteracting those grim national statistics.

The following posts on this blog will discuss specific tips about how to speak to your child at different stages in their development, explore national campaigns and advertisements that encourage dialogue between parents and children about sex, and touch on other topics that will benefit parents and help to become more comfortable when discussing sex with their children.

Resources

2007 With One Voice Results. (2007, February). The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. Retrieved February 1, 2009, from http://www.thenationalcampaign.org.

Nationally Representative CDC Study Finds 1 in 4 Teenage Girls Has a Sexually Transmitted Disease. (2008, March 11). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved February 1, 2009, from http://www.cdc.gov.

STD Data Come as No Surprise, Area Teenagers Say. (2008, March 13). The Washington Post. Retrieved February 1, 2009, from http://www.washingtonpost.com.